Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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