Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm always down for nudity.
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