Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
