ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
