I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize