no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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