Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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