you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
