I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
