So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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