I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
