How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Rumble strips road head = magical
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
