My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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