Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
