my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
