I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
