don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
