well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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