Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
