break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
