Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
