there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
