Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
