Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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