I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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