paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
