I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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