there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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