in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
