she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize