Plan B is the new Plan A
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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