i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
