I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
