Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
