I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
My balls are so social today.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
