He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
