so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
we're so committed to being not committed
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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