Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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