i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
