im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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