I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
