Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just google imaged poop.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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