Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Randomize
