Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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