Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
