high people should be assigned attendants
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
