you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
