This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sext me about skeletons
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
