If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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