A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
