I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
