Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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