Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize