Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
