oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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