i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
