great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
