You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
