I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
