Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Then you guys just all showered together...?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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