Me. At least after what I've been through.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
