Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
