hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize