Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
