My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
