I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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