dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Rumble strips road head = magical
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
