It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
