I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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