i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
