dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
