it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
