he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
