My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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