he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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